Josh Rock

Soliciting on the streets of New York

Guy 1: Excuse me, sir?
My Brain: Just keep looking ahead.
Guy 1: Sir? Excuse me, sir.
My Brain: Nope. Ignore him.
My Mouth: Uh, yes?
My Brain: You idiot, why did you respond?!
Guy 1: Hello, we're -so and so- and we were wondering if you would be able to donate blood.
My Mouth: Uhhh, I really can't.
Guy 2: But sir, it's for a good cause. We are collecting blood for the passover.
My Mouth: Oh yeah?
Guy 2: That's right. Do you know what the passover is about?
My Mouth: Yes, I do.
Guy 2: Then you must surely know its importance.
My Mouth: ...
Guy 1: You do know, right?
My Mouth: Of course.
Guy 1: Could you tell us?
My Mouth: Uh, it's about giving?
My Brain: You're an idiot.
Guy 2: No.
My Mouth: Oh...
Guy 1: Do you believe in the Holy Word?
My Brain: Just walk away.
My Mouth: No not really. I haven't been to church in years.
Guy 1: What's your name?
My Brain: Don't you fucking say it.
My mouth: Uh...
My Brain: Don't. Call yourself Tom. Or Chris.
My Mouth: Jacob.
My Brain: You really fucked yourself now.
Guy 1: OH WOW, I LOVE THAT STORY.
Guy 2: Do you have any questions regarding the truth of the Bible?
Guy 1: Yes, we would love to answer any of your questions.
My Mouth: Not really.
Guy 1: Do you like science?
My Mouth: Oh yeah, of course. I just got done reading Foundation.
Guy 1: ...what?
My Mouth: Isaac Asimov?
Guy 2: ...
Guy 1: Did you know that modern science has proven the Bible to be truth?
My Mouth: Are you sure about that?
My Brain: Wow, you're still here? I left for a second.
Guy 1: Why yes. Do you have a minute, there's a video I can play for you that proves it.
My Mouth: Uhhh...
Guy 1: Here, it's loading.
My Brain: Great, just great.
Guy 1: So, as you can see they carbon dated the pages of the book of Job to 3,500 years ago, in the Bronze Age.
My Mouth: Uh huh.
Guy 1: Also, you see that the water cycle was written about before humans ever understood the concept of it.
My mouth: Hmm.
My Brain: Fuck. What are you even talking about?
Guy 1: Even Einstein believed in God.
My Brain: So if Albert thought of it, it must be true?
My Mouth: I see.
My Brain: Holy shit, how long is this video? He definitely said a minute.
Guy 1: All this proves the Bible is true.
My Brain: What?
My Mouth: Okay.
Guy 2: Would you be able to read some scripture with us?
My Mouth: Uhhh well...you see, I'm on my lunch break.
Guy 1: Oh, well could we get your number?
My Mouth: Uh, sure.
My Brain: This is a bad idea.
Guy 1: What's your number?
My Mouth: 760
My Brain: You must be a colossal fucking idiot, huh?
My Mouth: 485
My Brain: COME ON!
MY Mouth: 8362
My Brain: YES. Good job, you gave a fake number. Now play it smooth.
Guy 1: Great, you can come over after work and enjoy the Holy Spirit. Let me call you so you can have my number.
My Brain: SHIT.
My Mouth: Oh, dang. I left my phone in my locker.
My Brain: Nice one. Even I believed you for a second.
Guy 1: Oh, that's alright: I'll just text you.
My Mouth: Great.
My Brain: Now walk away.
Guy 1: OH, wait. Someone just picked up the phone.
My Mouth: ...
My Brain: ...
Guy 2: ...
My Mouth: K, bye.